wirralbagpuss: (Keep Calm Watson 2)
I am making this entry public as I feel it is an important point that I want to share with all who are interested.

During my summer break I went to a cathedral which is one very close to my heart as I have been going there since my childhood and even got permission as a child to do some brass rubbings there which I had to get permission from the Archbishop himself to do. He was rather impressed with my work too. Nowadays one is not allowed to even do that. So it was an honour to have been able to do that.

Anyway I often go there to pray, light some candles for family and friends, and meditate. It is my spiritual sanctuary. I like the idea of being able to leave messages as well. I often write letters addressed to God. It is my way of getting closer to the Creator. And now knowing what I have learnt and been told, it would not surprise me if those you loved so very much who are no longer here are looking over your shoulder as you write. I find that to be of immense comfort and the knowledge I have learnt recently has given me the piece of mind I have been seeking certaintly since 2002 but I have been seeking truths since I was a child.

So you see when I go to a place of worship it is to pray and not treat the place as a tourist attraction, which I find obscene. For the best part of a decade, probably more, my cathedral has been charging people to go in. I have never paid a penny. Why? Because I argued that I was there to pray and since when did the Almighty introduce Pray As You Go?!! I also put to them that a bloke 2,000 years ago turned over chairs and tables for such behaviour. They knew I was right and never contested this.

However to my great surprise and pleasure this summer holiday I was visiting the cathedral with a friend who unfortunately is seriously ill at the moment. I knew on this visit it would for once not be a full prayer visit, as I tend to do that alone as I feel it is a very private thing to do. So I was dreading the prospect of having to pay. But I discovered they no longer charge! I wonder what brought about this change in policy? The one I had fought all this time? I did get to light a few candles in the end and a quick note whilst my friend was in the chapel part of the cathedral. I'll go again in August when I shall spend time to myself and do a proper visit. I might even take another look at the Chapter House as I felt uneasy there and discovered a priest was buried underneath the Chapter House. Last time I had that sensation was when I visited an old house in Cornwall and I asked if it was haunted and I told yes it was by a surprised curator as it was not public knowledge.

Getting back to the point of this post however, I think it is important that in a place of worship once does not force charges on those going there. They are places of worship not museums. I will happily pay to visit the National Gallery or Science Museum in London for example, but I don't think it should be forced for visiting a cathedral or church etc. Voluntary donations sure. I have no problem with that.

I am sure in the Bible it was written that when Jesus ascended He said he would be among us always. I like to think that means that He would be here right now mingling with everyone, having a cup of coffee in Starbucks or something, visiting all sorts of places and so on. I would not mind having that cup of coffee with Him as I have so many questions to ask! Being a writer and full of imagination I could not help but muse the notion that He has visited my cathedral incognito. I wonder what He would have made of the charging regime! I realise there are very high maintenance costs in running these places and fundraising events do take place up and down the country to repair the church roof for example, but really come on, the Church is steeped in money, surely they can apply for a grant of money from the Church admin offices. The Vatican is rolling around in funds, that quite frankly just a small share of that fortune would eliminate world poverty overnight.

Well I have said my bit now. I just had to share my thoughts on what I think is an important topic. I hope you found it of interest.
wirralbagpuss: (JB)
The birthday celebrations are starting and i am indulging in a bottle of wine and enjoying myself, and in the process getting sloshed. Dear me i will probably regret this entry tomorrow, but what the hell, i am feeling happy happy happy !! I just wanted to say how much i love everyone. You are all great friends and i have enjoyed getting to know you all. I also love Susa, and Rebecca as well. They are very much in my thoughts and prayers and i miss them so very very much. They mean the world to me. I love them like the sisters i never had. I want to hug them so much and tell them how much i miss them.  I also love Jennifer and Amanda as well. I love everyone. I enjoy life, i enjoy friendship, i enjoy giving my love to my friends. I love Judi, Medcat and Holmes221b as well. Between them they saved me from myself in October. Else i would not be here tonight getting slowly sloshed celebrating my 40th birthday.   Let me tell you a secret....I should not really be here at all. I should really have died a few days after i was born. Having a hole in one's heart is not a fun thing...but here is the clincher and my basis for my faith in God/Supreme Being/Creator.. the hole in the heart healed by itself. Now if that is not a miracle, can someone tell me what does constitue a miracle?? I still have a heart mumur though and that caused the surgeons to panic when i had my knee op a few years back when i was under !! Ooops !! I bet my NHS records are up to date now !!! LOL !! Anyway just wanted everyone to know including the Musketeers how much i love you and will wake up tomorrow feeling rather sheepish looking back at tonights entry thinking oh dear i was sloshed. But dammit, life is to short and i wanted to let everyone know what i felt. I dont think that is anything to be ashamed of. So i raise my glass to you all, and yes that does include you Susa and Rebecca, and Jennifer and Amanda. I want to say thank you and thank you for being in my life and giving me so much happiness. And above all thank you Jeremy for being my compass and lantern. I owe you so very very much. Merry Christmas everyone and i hope you have a lovely New Year. Love you all !!! :)
wirralbagpuss: (Bandstand)


In my naivety i tried to friend [livejournal.com profile] wildeaboutjb aka Rebecca tonight as a christmas peace offering. I friended wildeaboutjb as a christmas peace offering, and yet she defriended me without even giving me a chance to prove my good intentions. I am left shaking and in tears over this. I am not given a chance to show that i can be peaceful in contributions and thoughts on Jeremy. I had hoped this would be a reconcilliation of sorts. i am in tears now. I was willing to try and show that tonight as a Christmas peace offering. I It was a genuine one and made in the spirit of Christmas and friendship. But now it seems i cant even talk about Jeremy. I am really shaking and crying now. I thought Christmas was about forgiveness and reconcilliation as well as the time of giving. This really is like having a dagger thrust through my heart and the knife being twisted.
Oh Rebecca how i wish you could see in my heart how much i care about you and how much i regard you as a friend. I wish you could hear the prayers and see the candle i lit for you last month. I do not hate you. I am not a sociopath or anything like that. I just wanted to be a friend. I consider you a friend and i miss you so much. My heart is broken. You are not willing to forgive and yet i have forgiven you. Long ago. I dont want to fight, i dont want to go over past events. All want to do is just be a friend. Or at least talk about Jeremy at the very least.
I will not be able to sleep the rest of the night now as i will be breaking down in tears because this has hurt me so badly. If i did not care i would not be this upset. But i do care, very much so, and i am in tears that a simple peace offering had been cruelly rejected and torn to shreds and so close to Christmas too. I am not an evil person, but i am being made to look that way when in fact i am not evil, not nasty or anything like that. I just love people and i care about my friends. That is all.

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