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Friendship, Love and Hate.
Dec. 4th, 2009 12:57 pmI have to get this off my chest and yes it is a public entry. I just need to put into words the ethical and moral dilema i am in right now. So anyone not wanting to read this look away now. But this is my journal and i started the joournal back in early 2005 as a means of coping with my grief and anger after my Mother died. And it has been very cathartic in that respect.
Ok. As regular followers of my journal are aware there was a very bitter and nasty falling out of friends back in the autumn between myself, Susa, Rebecca, Jennifer and Amanda. Things were said on all sides and yet i was cast as the villian in all of this. For my part i have apologised to all of them for my part in this horrid horrid arguement in a joint e mail to all of them. I have recieved no apology in return except being called a stalker, psociopath, and of having antisocial personality disorder which is complete nonesense and so very far from the truth. Despite everything, i have forgiven them all because i believe it is important to forgive. I do have my llimits of course. But i can forgive the Musketeers for the pain they inflicted on me. And the emotional scars i now carry.
But i still care for them very much. I always will. Which brings me to my moral dilema. I want to send a Christmas card to them all and a small pressie especially for Susa and Rebecca. But i am afraid they would use that act of kindness and love to twist things once more and accuse me of stalking and God knows what else. But is it so bad, especially at this time of theyear, it being Christmas, to at least send an olive branch especially as Christmas is about foriveness and comming together. My heart aches with all of this. All i want to do is show that i care. But i fear all they will do is just hate me even more or use it as an excuse to make more accusations at me. Why do they hate me so much? I have apologised. Hell bent over backwardss on many occassions to do so. And yet i love them all so very very much. What do i do?
Ok. As regular followers of my journal are aware there was a very bitter and nasty falling out of friends back in the autumn between myself, Susa, Rebecca, Jennifer and Amanda. Things were said on all sides and yet i was cast as the villian in all of this. For my part i have apologised to all of them for my part in this horrid horrid arguement in a joint e mail to all of them. I have recieved no apology in return except being called a stalker, psociopath, and of having antisocial personality disorder which is complete nonesense and so very far from the truth. Despite everything, i have forgiven them all because i believe it is important to forgive. I do have my llimits of course. But i can forgive the Musketeers for the pain they inflicted on me. And the emotional scars i now carry.
But i still care for them very much. I always will. Which brings me to my moral dilema. I want to send a Christmas card to them all and a small pressie especially for Susa and Rebecca. But i am afraid they would use that act of kindness and love to twist things once more and accuse me of stalking and God knows what else. But is it so bad, especially at this time of theyear, it being Christmas, to at least send an olive branch especially as Christmas is about foriveness and comming together. My heart aches with all of this. All i want to do is show that i care. But i fear all they will do is just hate me even more or use it as an excuse to make more accusations at me. Why do they hate me so much? I have apologised. Hell bent over backwardss on many occassions to do so. And yet i love them all so very very much. What do i do?
