Jan. 16th, 2005

wirralbagpuss: (Default)
Not been able to update my journal yesterday due to server problems at Live Journal. :( Cannot believe how addictive this site is though!!! :)
Saturday was fun. I decided to don my new walking boots and try out my GPS e-trek and go for a walk. So i did a 10 mile walk down Wirral Way! My legs are still recovering from yesterday!. It was good to get out and about. I was not sure if my knee could hold up to be honest since the knee op. Fortunately it did, and i had my walking poles which i used on my way back. The only downside was with people walking there dogs and i am terrified of dogs. I don't blame the dogs but honestly some owners have no consideration of others. A good example is when i sat down to have some lunch. I was enjoying the view and these two labrador dogs bounded over and lept on me ! They were playful and no more than a year old. But i was terrified!. At first i said nothing but then it went on a bit too long so i told the owner to call them off. She did not even apologise. The rotten sod. GRRRRRR!! The other downside of my walk was i found i had a huge blister on my foot when i got home. The bath was very painful !! All in all i was glad to have walked, i felt alot of the stress and worry on my shoulders to vanish for a few hours.
On my way back from the walk yesterday i passed the house of a work colleague who's father had died a few days earlier. I paused and wondered if i should say hello. In the end i thought to myself she would probably want her privacy and i respected that. I speak from bitter experience.
I also thought alot about my Father. We have not spoken in over two weeks and that upsets me deeply. I texted him yesterday and got no reply. In fact this morning i went to buy a newspaper and saw his name on a petition to object against more building of wrinkle ranches (old age care homes) in my town. It was the first physical evidence i had of him for a fortnight. I also signed the petition as i happen to agree with the reasons behind it but silently laughed to myself that we both agree on something but we are so far apart. I do hope he sees my name on it tomorrow morning. Anyway i was surprised tro get a call from him this morning. Typically i missed the call as my mobile was downstairs and i was upstairs on my PC !! I rang him back. The conversation lasted barely three minutes but at least he rang! I miss him very much. I hope things improve. However i do think it will be a case of history repeating itself as he does not know i am planning on going to Paris. My Mother went to Turkey with her friend as a student and the first her Father heard of it was with a postcard from Istanbul ! I don't want to decive my Father but the way things are going he will end up getting a postcard from Paris!.
wirralbagpuss: (Default)
A few lines about my family and friends. As you may have read in my ealier posts i have no brothers or sisters. Of my parents i still have my Father, more of him later. My Mother died in August 2002 after a long and brave fight against Cancer. I had to be strong and help my Mother through those difficult times. But seeing her suffer like she did, particularly in her final week was soul destroying. I remeber everyday of her last week so clearly. Sitting there in her bedroom watching her life ebb away. The death rattle still haunts me, as does the sight of seeing my Father crying. I tried so hard not to show any emotion. I had to stay strong. My hope now is that there is an afterlife and that my Mother is now at peace, and that i will see her again. It is the only hope i have worth living for now.
Since My Mother's death my relationship with my Father has been strained. But it has got very bad over the last few months. It hurts me to not be able to speak or have a father-daughter relationship with my Father. I think emotionally he has found it very difficult to cope. Hell he even tried to kill himself after my Mother died. God knows i found it hard too, but i have made myself a promise to try and move on in 2005. However my Father does not seem to be able to do that. And that hurts. It is keeping my pain open too. Life is so unfair.
So what of my friends. I don't have that many. Sure i know alot of people at work and i get on well with them all, but i don't think i could trust them. That has to be earnt. I know this as i was stabbed in the back by a "friend" who i suspect was only hanging out with me because my Mother was her Mother's boss. However i do have some good friends, one of them called Dawn is currently teaching in Holland. We are planning on meeting up in Paris at the beginning of Febuary. I am looking forward to that very much. I don't keep in touch with my old schoolfriends much except for Chloe. We are very good friends and i met her again last year after a few years of not seeing each other as we lost touch. 2005 see the start of new friendships. I am a member of a discussion group looking at deaf issues and it was through this that i met makropulos. I met him for the first time in Liverpool with Chloe the other weekend and we got on really well. We just sort of "clicked". It was fun. I'll speak more of our Liverpool meeting another time.
So there you have it. My friends and family in summary!. I hope 2005 will bring me more hope and maybe a knight in shining armour !! :)

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