My Depression: Post Recovery Thoughts/ Update

[wirralbagpuss]

Making the post depression recovery video was one of the best things i have done in ages. It was very much cognative theraphy for me. I HAD  to make that video, as it was part of my recovery. And it has helped enormously. I have looked back over the past year of diary entries, and one or two poems i wrote and thought about my close brushes with checking out of life and i am stunned by it. I never realised just how depressed and ill  i really was. I sensed it but looking back, well i am shocked.  For the first time in a month my mind is free from images of self harm. YAYYYYYYYYYYYY . And i have not wanted a car to hit me or felt the urge to jump in front of a train for some time now. Double yay.  I am just happy to be free of this dammed awful, fucking cruel illness. Well i am free for now anyhow. I know that it will return, whether it be a few weeks time, six months or a year. It will return. I am dreading that. But for now i am just enjoying the release. As i said in my video, i am extremely grateful to have had the support of people who listened and stood by me when i was at my lowest. Had that not happened, well i dont want to think about that.... Friendship is so very important to me, as is loyalty and standing by your friends. I love people too much to walk away from people.
  People at work have noticed the change, the extra spring in my step, and how happy i have become with having Zilly-Joan at home. Pets are so therapuetic. I love her so much. She is a rescue cat, but she has given me so much love, and i hope i have helped her too as i know Zilly-Joan has had trauma in her life too. The only trauma she faces now is when i dont treat her to a tidbit of shrimp or pepporoni !!! Joking apart Zilly-Joan has been brilliant.
  I feel the change in me. I feel happier, brighter. I am laughing again. Have not truly laughed for a long time. The only exception being when meeting with Judi who made me laugh. I just hope and pray my recovery continues. There are triggers i know which nearly saw me slip back or regress. But i have to fight and overcome them. There is no other way.  On a happier note i am focusing on being at the Bandstand at Clapham Common on March 17th. I dont care if it rains. I just want to be there.  I feel alot of peace being there. I cant explain it. It just does.  And i will be meeting Judi. I cant wait.  Difficult day for me personally, but rather tham mourn, i will share and celebrate the day with friends. Just as i did last year. The tears were never far away last year and i know they will be near this year. But one has to move on. The pain never dies. You just learn to live with it.  Life is for Living.  A sentiment i almost forgot during such a difficult and dark year. Life is indeed for living.