Medical Update: Eyes, Foot and Depression

Just a quick update. I know that my eyesight is starting to give me trouble. I have good days and bad days. Today was a baddish day. My good eye was blurring quite alot today and a misty veil took over for a while before i finally shook it off. The cataract is making itself more present these days. I simply do not know how long it will be before there is a marked decline in my eyesight and i start to go completely blind before surgery is feasible to restore the eyesight. I hope i have another good five years left before i get to that stage. But it is beginning now, slowly but all the hallmarks are there, and frankly it scares the hell out of me. Sure i will get my sight back, but going blind albiet temporairly is not my idea of fun. I rely on my good eye. Without it i would need a guide dog. It is as simple as that. Oh well i will have to face this battle and get on with it. In many ways it is like waiting for results or something, you just want it over and done with you know? But yes i'll admit i am scared.
My foot is playing merry hell. Since the fall last week and the one prior to that i know i have sprained my ankle. I also need to organise a second opinion on my toe, as that has not healed well and i am still walking down stairs at snails pace which is not good. and in my other foot i am prone to arthritis and that foot ached today as well. Wonderful. NOT !!
As far as the depression is concerned i am delighted that i have at last come out of the depression that has lasted really since Febuary. I hate being depressed. I really do. For now i have managed to break free of the snake that was coiled round my heart. It is back in it's box. The citalopram has helped a great deal. And my sessions with my counsellor is going well. We have spoken about so many things, and she is now aware of my depression and being on citalopram. She was always convinced i had depression and have had it in the past. It was a matter of waiting for me to trust her enough for me to tell her. And i have now crossed that bridge. Will my depression come back? God yes, unfortunately so. And i am dreading that. Sure i felt a bit down this morning as i was missing my Mother, but that was me grieving i suppose. As Jeremy so rightly said, you learn to live with the pain but you never get over it. He was so very very right. Even now i break down and cry over my Mother's death. It hurts. But when i am depressed, it will be comnbination of many things that will cause me to becoem very down and not wanting to be surrounded by anybody much. God knows how i have coped without citalopram previously and my last real sucide attempt was in September. Hopefully it wont get as bad as that again. But i know the depression will return. It always does. My only regret is keeping it all a secret all these years and not telling a soul. Jeremy certaintly helped me through to making the decision to reveal my depression to the world. It has been a long journey and a very painful one. But at least i have done it now. He is my Lantern and Compass guiding me home. I know he is still with me. I owe Jeremy so very very much.

To quote Jeremy, Onwards and Upwards !!! :) I can fight this and i will !!