Peace Offering Rejected

[wirralbagpuss]

In my naivety i tried to friend wildeaboutjb aka Rebecca tonight as a christmas peace offering. I friended wildeaboutjb as a christmas peace offering, and yet she defriended me without even giving me a chance to prove my good intentions. I am left shaking and in tears over this. I am not given a chance to show that i can be peaceful in contributions and thoughts on Jeremy. I had hoped this would be a reconcilliation of sorts. i am in tears now. I was willing to try and show that tonight as a Christmas peace offering. I It was a genuine one and made in the spirit of Christmas and friendship. But now it seems i cant even talk about Jeremy. I am really shaking and crying now. I thought Christmas was about forgiveness and reconcilliation as well as the time of giving. This really is like having a dagger thrust through my heart and the knife being twisted.
Oh Rebecca how i wish you could see in my heart how much i care about you and how much i regard you as a friend. I wish you could hear the prayers and see the candle i lit for you last month. I do not hate you. I am not a sociopath or anything like that. I just wanted to be a friend. I consider you a friend and i miss you so much. My heart is broken. You are not willing to forgive and yet i have forgiven you. Long ago. I dont want to fight, i dont want to go over past events. All want to do is just be a friend. Or at least talk about Jeremy at the very least.
I will not be able to sleep the rest of the night now as i will be breaking down in tears because this has hurt me so badly. If i did not care i would not be this upset. But i do care, very much so, and i am in tears that a simple peace offering had been cruelly rejected and torn to shreds and so close to Christmas too. I am not an evil person, but i am being made to look that way when in fact i am not evil, not nasty or anything like that. I just love people and i care about my friends. That is all.

Comments

[med_cat]

Hugs,
Cat

[wirral-bagpuss.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I still cannot sleep. I am just too upset and in tears. God i loved Rebecca so much. Like the sister i never had. Which is why all of this is tearing me apart. I just wanted to offer an olive branch of peace over the christmas period. Is that such a wrong thing to do? Does that deserve being torn to shreds before even being able to show my good and honurable intentions? I just wanted to be a friend, or at least talk about Jeremy at the very least you know. This is really breaking my heart and there is nothing that can stop it. Why am i hated so much? I am not an evil person. Nor am i a sociopath/stalker/antisocial personality disorder, take your pick. I was prepared to put all of that behind me and just offer a hand of friendship in the spirit of christmas. Surely that is what Christmas is about? Forgiveness, reconciliation, starting afresh. It is not just Christmas trees, presents and mince pies !! Although they are nice.
I will try and sleep now but i know as soon as i switch off my light i will break down in tears and cry well into the night. If i did not care about Rebecca or Susa for that matter, i would not be feeling this way. But i do care, very much so. :(

[med_cat]

You're welcome...hope you can get some sleep.

I'll be online for a while, so...:)